Momma Human woke me up real early this morning and took me for a ride. We walked into this strange place and I could tell from all the sounds from the back it might not be a good place. Some other Human came up to us as we were sitting in this big room and asked to hold me so what did she do? She passed me like I was a offering. Immediately, I started crying. Don't take me from my momma. The little Human started putting her hands on her hips telling the other Human that it was her dog and she couldn't have him. Momma Human just sat there and laughed. She finally hands me back to Momma Human. Whew, the world is good... Oh wait, another woman just came and scooped me up and took me away from Momma and I can't even repeat the things she did but I cried, I'll admit it! It hurt! Things are NOT suppose to go in that way Lady! When I am reunited with Momma Human, I'm kinda mad at her so while I'm on the silver table, I take a little bite of her too. She says ouch so I know I did a good job!
So we finally leave this awful place and I have you know, I sleep like a baby in the passenger seat of the car in my little basket. Still kinda peeved at Momma Human. I even think I had a dream about chewing on her pillow or something. So we get home and there is Junior! Yay, he's still here (thought that was a dream too). So I keep trying to tell Junior about my experience in that strange place but everytime I get near him, he runs off to where I can't tell him! He must not know I'm the King??? So I am doing my own thing, watching Junior who is being held by the little Human on the leash... I know it's coming... Momma Human, you're not looking... Wait for it... Wait for it... And he's gone!
Now I know, because I heard the Humanoids talking about. Junior is named after Dale Earnhardt Jr. some kind of racing person... Well, his namesake definitely runs better! Little Human gets mad because Junior would follow her instructions while she was holding the leash and I knew it was coming. A Diva moment. A breakdown. Little Human had a meltdown and because she wasn't getting her way, she drops the leash and Junior sprinted off like he was at Lowe's Motor Speedway... The real Junior could certainly have taken some notes from this guy. He was gone. So Momma Human takes off. Not wanting to miss a minute, I run after her. She says something (maybe French???), scoops me out, yells at Little Human to go get Man Human and takes off. Junior is way ahead of us and he's running straight and taking a left (feels like we're racing!). She's yelling for Junior, but I don't think it was any type of cheering. Junior looks at us and keeps going. Thank goodness he kept getting caught up in traffic (trailer, some trees, bushes)! So we finallly come to a clearing and there on the ground, sparkling like an oasis in the middle of the dessert, we see it. I try to point it out to Momma Human as I sit cradled in her arms like a football but her eyes are locked. She's already seen it. The sun is just glistening off of the surface of what we both know to be the beginning of Junior's retractable leash. HA! We got you!...
So Momma Human stops and begins to walk very slowly like like a tiger eyeing it's prey. Oh Momma Human I'm so excited! We did! Uh oh, what was that? I barked! Momma looks at me and when we both look up, Junior is gone again! It was a pit stop and he was toying with us! So the chase is on again. We're running around all of these objects, my head is spinning from all of this bouncing! Momma is running. Then we spot him again! There is a tree between us and it's a stand off! Momma moves one, Junior moves another, Momma takes a step forward, Junior a step back! Oh wow, they said I was going to learn lessons from Junior but this is fun! I had no idea! Finally, Junior spots his exit! He's reeving his engines and boom, there he goes! And then it happens! Momma saw the not so shiny retractable leash, now covered in red dirt. She's going for it. Junior zooms past us like a Panther in the still of darkness. Momma Human is laughing now between her deep breaths! Oh what fun! Here it comes, here it comes, get it momma! And she did! Me and Momma got the leash! Whoah Junior, fun time is OVER! You've been black flagged buddy! Momma holds the leash tight as she stops to take a breath. I declare, this language she is speaking sounds so fun! I know it's not English but I'm definitely thinking French! LOL...
Finally, we began to make our way back the way we came. Look momma! She sees them too. Man Human and little girl Human. There Momma goes with that French again! LOL I love it! She hands over Junior to man Human and we trek back through the neighbors' yards and come back home. Junior lays down in the sun until we're ready to go back inside. And you will not believe what happens! Momma Human puts ME in the crate! I don't blame her, I haven't pooped yet so she's trying to be smart about it. And where is Junior? LAYING ON HER BED! What? Oh no! He just farted... Can't breathe... It's getting dark in here! I gotta go hide my nose... Nope, Momma Human says we're vacating the room! Yay, outside for some fresh air!
Whoof, Elvis
